The Gift of Infertility

Meet my brother, Chris, his beautiful wife, Christy and their three miracle babies. Each one of these gorgeous babies came through the miracle of adoption, and after years and years of painful fertility treatments, failed fertility treatments, tears, discouragement, fear, fasting, prayers and then the gift of birth mothers, who were so selfless that they gave the gift of parenthood to a couple who couldn't provide that for themselves. Those were hard years. Really hard years. My heart still aches for them during those years, knowing the faith it took them to press forward when there seemed to be no hope in sight. Why would Heavenly Father prevent such a worthy couple from having children, when one of his greatest commandments is the "multiply and replenish the earth"? This was just one of the many hard questions that our family would ask ourselves. However, as the adoption process began for Chris and Christy it became very clear what Heavenly Father's plan was for them, and the Spirit filled our souls at this new miracle that we never knew we all needed....To see the miracle that adoption is for everyone involved. 

The Family a Proclamation to the World teaches us that, "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." My nephew and two nieces now have a privilege that they would not have otherwise been given if Chris and Christy been able to conceive on their own. I can think of no greater gift for these three precious souls than to be part of an eternal family, now. 

While adoption is not an easy route for anyone, it was the route Heavenly Father intended for this family. If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, I encourage you to visit with your Bishop who can offer you spiritual guidance and counsel, as well as connect you with LDS Family services that can guide you through your options, and offer encouragement and hope. 

As for Chris and Christy, after 16 years of marriage, and never once being pregnant before, they are unexpectedly expecting their first naturally born baby! What a gift from heaven. A gift no greater than the three they have already been blessed with, but a new gift that they have never experienced before. God is so, so good!

Finding Warmth and Joy in Marriage

In a society that focuses intensely on appearances, social status, college pedigree, career success, etc. it could be very easy to seek those types of characteristics in a spouse, instead of other qualities such as selflessness, humility, maturity, and even a good sense of humor. Yes, emotional and physical chemistry are very important in a marriage, but best selling author, therapist and public speaker Lori Gottlieb believes that a great spouse is not only a appealing romantic companion but also a steady partner with whom "to run a very small, mundane, nonprofit business"which, among its many perks includes, "having a solid like-minded teammate in life". Again, the emotional and physical chemistry is vital, but Gottlieb cautions, those looking for a lasting marriage "should look for a chemistry level that is a 6 or 7, and a compatibility level that's a 9"! Too often we get caught up in the ideal chemistry instead of looking at the bigger picture. We need to be founding our relationships on realistic expectations versus the fantasy we see in the world and media around us. 

According to Dr. Gottman in "Introduction to Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives", "comical as it may sound romance actually grows when a couple are in a supermarket and the wife says, 'Are we out of bleach?' and the husband says, 'I don't know. Let me grab some just in case.' instead of shrugging apathetically." So what are some more examples of things that we can be doing in our marriages or relationships that will bring warmth and happiness that will stand the test of time? 

Take a look at this fun little clip for some tips...
https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/collection/tv-ads/lasting-marriage

Fidelity

The Family a Proclamation to the World explains that a husband and wife should "honor marital vows with complete fidelity". There is a misconception in the world today, that infidelity only involves sexual acts outside of marriage. But being faithful to ones spouse involves more than avoiding adultery. Some other forms of infidelity include fantasy infidelity, visual infidelity/pornography, and romantic infidelity.

Fantasy infidelity is characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place. This involves fantasizing romantically about a person other than your spouse. 

Visual infidelity/Pornography is the most common form of unfaithfulness and infidelity. stimulation is common practice while viewing pornography. 

Romantic Infidelity occurs when a person become emotionally involved with another person other than their spouse. This is done often as an escape from the monotony from everyday life. This is different from sexual infidelity in that sexual acts are not engaged in, but simply dating, engaging in romantic conversations, and so forth. 

Sexual Infidelity occurs when a person engages in sexual acts with a person other than their spouse. In some instances, sexual infidelity can be detached, in that, the person does not have a personal relationship with the individual, but simply engaged in sexual acts with someone other than their spouse. 

The consequences of infidelity can be multifaceted - from the obvious consequences within the marriage, as well as professional, personal, physical and spiritual consequences. 

Elder Holland teaches, "When we face such temptations in our time, we must declare, as young Nephi did in his, “[I will] give place no more for the enemy of my soul. We can reject the evil one! May the joy of our fidelity to the highest and best within us be ours as we keep our love and our marriages, our society and our souls, as pure as they were meant to be."

Here is link to a talk by Elder Holland titled, "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul". This is a beautiful talk centered around infidelity and how to protect our covenants and marriages. 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/place-no-more-for-the-enemy-of-my-soul?lang=smo