Our Later Years

Empty nest. 

Retirement. 

Physical decline. 

Caregiving. 

Loss of spouse....

These situations are inevitable, especially as we begin to grow old.

So how can we keep our marriages strong when the children are all gone, we no longer have full time employment to occupy our time, our heath is failing, we have to care for our ailing spouse, and eventually that dear companion of ours leaves this mortal life?

At some point in every marriage, a couple must draw closer to one another, rekindle their romance and begin to redefine themselves as a couple. That will look different for every marriage, and prove to be more challenging for couples with pre-existing marriage problems, but there are coping strategies that can help to build a more secure bond, even after years of marriage.

Things such developing interests together, regular temple attendance together, finding service opportunities together - even serving a mission, if health allows. But, when health doesn't allow for such things, there are still opportunities to draw near to one another. These times require all the resources that we develop over the years...things such as wisdom, love, patience, and long suffering.

Abraham and Sarah serve and a beautiful example of a couple who faced physical and spiritual challenges with hope and grace. "Commitment, tenacity and faith are required to confront successfully (in a unifying and supportive way) the many challenges that are faced by mature married couples." (Hawkins) But the rewards are attainable and available to all older couples who are willing to consistently apply principles that will lead to the formation of that secure bond in marriage.

President Ezra Taft Benson shared a beautiful message full of love and hope to the elderly in his address, " The the Elderly in the Church". In this message he gives eight areas where we can make the most of our senior years. So whether you are old or young, married, single or widowed, I high encourage you to listen to his words of counsel and find hope in the Golden Years of your marriage and life. Check it out...

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1989/10/to-the-elderly-in-the-church?lang=eng

Strengthening Our Families

"Therefore the people of the Nephites were aware of the intent of the Amlicites, and therefore they did prepare to meet them; yea, they did arm themselves with swords, and with cimeters, and with bows, and with arrows, and with stones, and with slings, and with all manner of weapons of war, of every kind."  Alma 2:12

We are engaged in a war against the enemy who is trying to destroy the sanctity of marriage and family from every angle. Satan desires nothing more than for us to be “miserable like unto himself” (2 Ne. 2:27 (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.). We have what he will never - a body and a family.

We are aware of the intent of our enemy, but what are we doing to fortify our marriages and families?!

As a take a look back on my own marriage of twenty years, I can see the times where we were not doing our part to strengthen our marriage, and the weakness that created in our fortress. It was easier for us to slip into poor habits, to be short with one another, to find fault in one another quickly, and to lack a desire to do better. Satan is clever and will slowing pull us away from one another and from the Father if we allow him to create and grow weaknesses in our fortress. 

President Spencer W. Kimball teaches us, "Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness." In a day and age where we can quickly compare our boring and mundane lives to those of our peers seemingly glamorous lives, via social media, it can become even more challenging to find the joy in our own marriages and lives. But, if we follow the counsel of President Kimball and seek opportunities to serve, share and sacrifice for one another we will be able to find a deeper and more lasting joy and bond with our spouse and loved ones. 

So, what are we doing in our own homes to fortify your marriage or family, and prepare to meet the adversary on all sides? The video link below tells the story of a family who's teenagers were challenged by their Bishop to make their home a more faithful and holy place. As you watch, I encourage you to consider the things that you can do in your own family that will strengthen your family through love and faith in the Savior, Jesus Christ. 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media-library/video/how-can-i-strengthen-my-family-young-women?lang=eng

Forgiveness in Families

No family is without pain, frustration, loss of trust, and a variety of other conflicts that leave us with a need to offer forgiveness to a family member. 
My own family has experienced such pain, and the need to forgive and overcome great loss of trust. My younger brother has battled drug addiction for 15 years.....His addiction has brought our family so much heartache and turmoil, especially as he now, serves a 10 year prison sentence due to all the things that are associated with drug addiction. 
This video below is a great testament of the power of forgiveness, and how it can literally change your life, and your families. 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media-library/video/2015-08-008-step-8-forgiveness-larrys-story-about-drug-addiction-recovery?lang=eng&_r=1

We all need time to work through our pain, loss, and frustrations but I know through the power of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that hope, healing and forgiveness are possible, even in the most challenging of circumstances. 

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.” - Dr. Sidney Simon

Parenting as the Father Would

The Family a Proclamation to the World teaches, “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”

How can these guidelines help us to rear our children in righteousness?

Love and righteousness – Parents can teach children in formal and casual settings. From dinner time and chores, to Family Home Evenings or Family Councils. Even in car rides to and from school can provide us with and opportunity to teach our children in love and righteousness, as our Father in Heaven would to us.

Provide for their physical and spiritual needs – Yes, we know we need to provide roof over their heads, and food on the table, but we should also be teaching our children how to do these things for themselves one day. We teach them the tools they will need to care for themselves and their own families eventually.

Teach them to love and serve – The greatest way our children learn is through our examples. If they see us serving them, our spouses, in our community, and all those we come in contact with they will follow suit. I believe our children can learn so much about the pure love of Christ in our families and through Church service.

Obey the commandments and follow the law – We are blessed to live in a country where obeying the law of the land does not cause us have to break the commandments of God, nor do they conflict with His teachings. However, we aren’t always perfect in keeping those laws. I am just as guilty as the next person of going over the speed limit or doing a “California Stop” when no one else is around. This is not the example our Father in Heaven would have us set for our children. We will teach them great lessons in the little things, and laws that we choose to keep in our daily life.

Simply studying this small section of the Family Proclamation can help us to refine our teachings as parents, and help us to better guide our children through this life, as our Father in Heaven would guide us.